Information & Guidance FAQ

It is common to be wary of therapy. Will it work for me? Will it work for our specific issues? Is it too late? Can therapy make it worse? Will I or my partner be able to cope with it?

In addition, partners often have different ideas of what is happening in their relationship and how to make things better.

If hesitant, one of the best ways to deal with these valid and understandable concerns is to come for an Initial Consultation and discuss your concerns without the need to start therapy.

Surveying many thousands of couples in therapy, Professor Gottman found that people wait around six years from the start of problems in the relationship before seeking help. That is a very long time of unnecessary suffering when effective therapy is available.

Couples Therapy cannot solve all problems, but it is among the most effective evidence-based approaches we know to help you find ways to improve your relationship satisfaction and long-term happiness.

First, it is important to keep in mind the difference between encouragement and unhelpful attempts to persuade. Coercion, threats of breaking up, and ultimatums are unhelpful and are likely to be counter-productive. Even if coaxing makes a person come, they will be less likely to engage with the therapy.

The good news is that an equal level of motivation is not necessary for therapy to work. However, a successful outcome is more likely if the person owns the decision to come.

There are ways to make you both interested in giving Couples Therapy a try by making use of specific ways of encouragement and nudges. Scientific studies have found that people are more likely to make a certain decision if: 1) it is recommended by a credible expert; 2) they like the person who recommends it; 3) they become aware that the decision is taken by other people in the same situation as them. To apply this to your situation, you may wish to encourage your partner to read about the effectiveness of specific Couples Therapies and how therapy has helped friends, acquaintances, and perhaps well-known public figures.

If possible, it can be helpful to explore together the underlying reasons for their reluctance. For example, there are alas plenty of myths about therapy that stop people from seeking help. Some people avoid therapy because they believe the therapist will take sides and be judgemental. At the Bath Couples Therapy Practice, I will be on both of your sides and guide the therapy to provide equal time to talk and be listened to. If there are other concerns, joint fact-finding about specific therapies can go a long way in encouraging a person to come.

It is often a good idea to have an initial meeting with your preferred Couples Therapist to get to know them and the services they offer. At the Bath Couples Therapy Practice, I would be delighted to meet you and help you with your decision about therapy.

A close, secure, and mutually rewarding relationship can be one of the greatest sources of happiness, resilience, and wellbeing in our lives. It provides love, support, companionship, and a secure base from which to cope with life's inevitable challenges. Yet, despite its importance, many of us struggle at times to build and maintain the kind of relationship we would like. The good news is that, for most couples, there are many effective, evidence-based ways to strengthen a relationship and improve life together.

As a Couples Therapist, you will not be surprised to hear me say that Couples Therapy can make real and lasting positive changes in people's lives. But you do not have to take my word for it; more and more people are talking openly about the benefits to them.

I would be very happy to talk to you and assist you with your decision-making without any commitment to start therapy.

Most certainly. Couples Therapy is not only about remedying things that are not going well. The ongoing care and nurturing of the positive aspects of coupleship and, if needed and relevant, the preparation for pending life transitions are equally important.

For example, couples come to therapy to learn more about how to maintain passion and loving bonds, and new and exciting ways to interact and grow closer. Others come to prepare themselves for having their first child, moving house, taking on new caring responsibilities, or coping with demanding situations such as health issues or financial difficulties.

We will make use of over 40 years of research on what makes and maintains a mutually rewarding relationship to support your long-term happiness as a couple.

Good question. To answer this, I need to understand what you mean by “luck.” If the question is about whether there are couples who have met by lucky chance and are happy without making efforts or having problems, then I would say that would be untrue for most people. Having a successful and loving relationship in the long-term is the result of continuous effort for most of us. Interestingly, a study found that only one-third of couples fell in love at first sight. Thus, it seems that even in the beginning of a relationship, things other than just good fortune are at play.

This is a good question. To respond to it well and as accurately as possible, I would need more information about your situation. In general, we know that couples in on-and-off unhappy relationships wait a long time before seeking help, if they do it at all. A common situation that can prolong unhappiness unnecessarily is avoidance, like sweeping things under the carpet. Although this is a natural and common response to difficulties, it is rarely a good strategy. One study found that couples who attend therapy have waited on average six years. This is heartbreaking because long periods of unhappiness can be avoided by nipping problems in the bud. It is easier to repair relationship issues early and thereby avoid the entrenchment of negative thoughts, emotions, and behaviour.

So, how do you decide whether or not you and your partner can benefit from therapy? Apart from reading about it and perhaps talking to people who have been through therapy, probably the easiest and most discreet way would be to have an introductory meeting with a Couples Therapist without any need to commit. I will be more than happy to talk and help you with your decision.

Yes, in many cases this is entirely appropriate. Some clients find that working on their relationship while also addressing individual difficulties in separate therapy can be particularly helpful. Individual therapy may support personal wellbeing, emotional regulation, trauma recovery, anxiety, depression, or other concerns, while Couples Therapy remains focused on strengthening the relationship.

The key requirement is that the purpose of each therapy remains clear. Our work together will continue to focus on your relationship rather than becoming individual therapy for either partner. If issues arise that would be better addressed within personal therapy, we will discuss how best to manage this while maintaining clear therapeutic boundaries.

At times, however, two therapies may become emotionally demanding or begin to overlap in their goals. If this happens, we will review whether continuing both therapies is in your best interests. In some situations, it may be advisable to pause Couples Therapy temporarily until individual work has reached a more stable stage. Any such decision would always be made collaboratively, taking into account your wellbeing, your capacity to engage safely in both therapies, and the integrity of each treatment.

There would be some clear advantages to such an arrangement, such as having an existing good working relationship with a therapist familiar with you and some of your needs. However, there are also significant drawbacks.

For example, you may experience therapy overload, and the therapy aims in the two therapies may be incompatible. There is also a real possibility that the therapist will be perceived as taking sides because they have developed a closer working relationship with one of you.

Even if you both are seen for individual therapy, other unhelpful issues could arise. A no-secrets policy concerning what is shared with the therapist in Couples Therapy is essential to the effectiveness of this therapy, but such a constraint in individual therapy could limit its usefulness and make it more difficult to be open and frank about your individual needs.

For the above reasons, my practice is consistent with professional guidance on maintaining clear therapeutic boundaries and avoiding conflicts of role.